When you’re a new manager, every single thing is hard at first. There’s the obvious hard stuff: how to hire, how to fire, how to “get results.” But also, when you get to the office in the morning and people are on their computers wearing headphones, do you go say hi? Or do you go straight to your desk? Do you make small talk in the bathroom? On the way home at night?
It’s like realizing you don’t know what to do with your hands when you’re getting your picture taken. Just before the photograph, your hands were fine and now almost no option seems good.
This week, we offer serious answers some of these silly questions. Our overarching takeaway — to both the questions and to where to put your hands in photos — is that anything that comes naturally will probably work just fine. We’ll still share what we do because it’s comforting to hear how other people solve the same problem. Plus, it might give you a starting point to experiment with different approaches while you find what’s authentic to you.
Do I say hi to everyone in the morning?
Emma: I do, most days. I get in, drop off my stuff at my desk, grab a tea, and do a little stroll around the office to say hey to whoever’s there. I really like this time, before I’ve checked my email or started in on the work. It’s informal and friendly — maybe we talk about a current project, but most likely we talk about TV or books or what we did over the weekend. It’s pretty stereotypical office chitchat, but these interactions are important to me. I strive to be a social and human boss, and good morning hellos are an easy way to be accessible outside of weekly 1-on-1s.
Is this a good strategy for every boss of every team? No. I know managers who physically recoil from small talk, and prefer to keep conversations that happen in the office about work. I’ve had people on my team who find my 8:30am attempts at camaraderie something to endure, not enjoy. I respect that. If you put headphones on, or don’t turn around when I approach, I’m not offended.
Andy: Headphones are the hardest! What to do?! I tried lots of things when I first became a manager, like a little half wave. It was pretty awkward. These days I just let people who are heads down be heads down.
I’ve worked lots of places with flexible time schedules, and I like to come in a little later — I do my morning pages before I come in to get my head screwed on straight — so I’m usually one of the last (or the very last) to arrive. I catch most people at the coffee machine. I have my hellos ready to anyone who looks up from their desk and makes eye contact, but don’t force it on anyone.
How about goodbye at night?
Andy: Lol, well… since I’m usually late in, I’m usually late out, too — so I say goodbye to whoever says goodbye to me. In an open office, it’s pretty easy to say “Have a good night!” as you pass by. When there are cubicles or actual offices, it’s a little bit harder. In those situations, I really only say goodbye to people who need to know. Is there someone I need to check out with before I head off to my home life? s there a person I know is working on something hard that might want my eyes on something? Is one of my friends around to give a “See ya tomorrow”?
Emma: If you’re going to make evening rounds, here’s what I do not recommend: Coming up to my desk with bags packed and commuting shoes on and asking, “Is there anything you need from me before I go?” Even when the answer is, “OMG yes so many things!” there is no way I feel okay asking for it when you obviously have a bus to catch.
Have I done that exact move before? Of course I have.
Andy: We all have! Best practices and actual practices are a Venn Diagram, not a single circle. This is true for every human everywhere in every situation.
Emma: If you’re truly offering up “anything from me,” I recommend doing it 30 minutes or an hour before you’re actually out the door. At the very least, leave your bags at your desk.
I also recommend saying goodbye if you’re leaving someone hanging. When that’s the case, confirm a new plan. “We spoke this morning about going over next steps with our new vendor, but I’m running late for an appointment. Can we regroup first thing tomorrow morning? I’m putting time on the calendar now.”
How do I act in meetings that I’m not leading?
Emma: Very attentively! I’ve slipped up here more often than I care to admit. I think, “I’m not at the front of the room, so I don’t need to be in boss-mode. What a perfect time to catch up on emails!” But this is one of those situations where even your most innocuous behavior has an impact, and there’s no way to make “My boss was on her computer the whole time I was talking” seem like a positive thing.
When I feel myself slipping into bad habits like reading emails and responding to Slack messages during meetings, I go through the exercise of asking myself: Why am I at this meeting? Moral support? Appearances? To field questions, or give feedback? Fill in the blank, and then execute. If you can’t — if there is no discernible reason for you to be in this meeting — you should probably skip it. Then you can catch up on emails.
Is there a good way to get someone away from their desk and into a private meeting?
Andy: If you need to get someone alone to tell them something sensitive, keep in mind: There is nothing that will ripple through the panopticon of an open-office seating arrangement faster than walking up to someone’s desk, saying “I need to talk with you,” and then pulling them into a nearby conference room. That is always my last resort.
My preferences, going from longest to shortest lead-time:
- Wait until their next 1-on-1
- Set a meeting on the calendar for at least 30 minutes away
- Shoot a message on Slack (or whatever platform) and ask them to come meet you
- The West Wing “walk with me” move
- Go to their desk, then regroup in a room that is far away from their desk
Remember, the arc of the person’s story doesn’t end when they walk out of that room with you. They may be pounced on by curious coworkers and, even if it’s good news, it might not be quite the right time for them to share it. Getting them to and from the room with as few witnesses as possible is one of the true graces you can offer as a manager.
Good Boss Achievement Stickers: Where Do I Put My Hands Edition
