Currently, everyone on my team is experiencing at least one of the following:

  • Death in the family
  • Family health issues
  • Breakup or partner issues
  • Property crime
  • Mysterious debilitating health issue
  • Mental illness
  • Colds, viruses, and various other illnesses
  • Scheduling challenges with kids
  • The “bomb cyclone”

We’re very fortunate. Our company cares about its employees and has generous work flexibility and bereavement policies. My team is amazing and, through it all, the work is going well. I’m glad my team feels comfortable sharing with me, but as a relatively new manager, I’m not sure how to best support everyone beyond saying, “Let us know what you need.” Is there anything else I can do without crossing boundaries or getting emotionally overwhelmed?

Andy: To be honest, it sounds like you’re doing great — all of you.

Emma: Seriously. I see two bigs wins. First, you’re effectively smudging the line between work and life — you know some of the darker nooks and crannies of your peoples’ lives, which means they trust you care. And, the work part is still getting done! Which is what’s most “at risk” when you “allow” life into the workplace.

Andy: It’s not actually possible to keep life from impacting work, but it’s an insane myth we all try to tell ourselves. In real life, there are Mondays that a person just shouldn’t work through like any other Monday. And it’s not always big, bad stuff: try running a team on the first sunny day in Chicago!

Emma: Your work is getting done, and done well. The people on your team are obviously resilient. You’re a present and engaged manager. I promise there isn’t anything else you need to be doing.

And yet…. I 100% get the impulse to do more. For me, that impulse is always a jumble of:

Genuine care: I see someone struggling and I want to make them feel better.

Anxiety: Am I somehow making it worse?

Frustration: Can we just fix this and get back to normal?

Andy: Yep! And also sometimes a bit of:

Fear: If one more thing happens, the wheels will officially fall off and we’ll go careening over the side of this mountain.

Emma: We are not HR experts, and if you haven’t already, our first advice is to reach out to someone who is. You need help. It sounds like your company has clear policies in place and that the people on your team are taking advantage of them — that’s great. But I still think a few recurring 1-on-1s with someone on your HR team will be huge in helping you navigate what’s appropriate for you to do as manager.

Andy: Totally agree. I wouldn’t have survived my first two years managing without my team’s HR business partner.

Emma: Ask for help, ask for it often, and if you trust the people in your HR department, ask them to become a more active part of the conversation with the people on your team. Suggesting that your reports seek out an awesome HR rep isn’t shrugging off your responsibilities as a manager. It’s helping your people build a network of support, which is something we all need.

Andy: Share what you and your team are tackling with your boss, too. Keep it need-to-know, but make sure they do know. Do not go this alone. In any kind of crisis, it’s important to keep the helpers from burning out.

Emma: From there, I recommend to always follow up. If someone on my team shares a struggle, a sorrow, a worry, a distraction, I try to bring it up in pretty much every 1-on-1 until it’s no longer a thing. I do my best not to assume that if they aren’t bringing it up first, or if they haven’t explicitly asked me for help, that they don’t want to talk about it. Always ask, and be a good listener if they do start talking.

If that feels like a setup for crossing boundaries and getting emotionally overwhelmed, remember: The only place you can actually do anything is at the office and on your team. So follow up, and before the end of the conversation, ask more specifically (and gently and full of care): “And how are things at work going?”

Andy: If the answer to that question is “good” or “fine,” trust it and leave it until next week’s 1-on-1. Some people may not need more. They may be able to go about their normal work even though they’re not feeling normal inside. You do not not need to cure their depression or guide them through their divorce, or even suggest cold remedies.

Emma: If the answer to that question is not “good” or “fine,” then you could potentially do more. Because then you’re working on removing an obstacle — bumping the weekly team sync to 2p instead of 4p to accommodate daycare pick-up, or permanently booking a rarely used phone room in case someone needs a bolt hole to cry in.

Andy: You can also help the people on your team figure out what they need, because they may not know right away. When there’s a crisis, it can be hard to think, let alone think practically, about anything other than reversing the source of the misery. A literal printed-out list of things they can ask for makes it easy to point and say, “Yes, that would help.”

Ways to Help a Teammate in Need

Use this list as a starting point to brainstorm all of the resources and accommodations you can offer to the people on your team when they need some relief. (Make sure to ask your boss and your HR contact for their input, too.) Include instructions on how to put each idea into action, so it’s really easy to “order” things off the menu. Then, post it on the team wiki, print it out for 1-on-1s, email it as a follow-up — you know the drill.

  • HR business partner
  • A company EAP, employee assistance program
  • Insurance information
  • Regular time off
  • Family or personal leave
  • Adjusted meeting schedule
  • A special assignment that’s more flexible
  • Reduced workload
  • Shift change
  • Offload maintenance tasks to someone else
  • Less face time with customers, bosses, etc.
  • Work-from-home days
  • A spare office to have privacy
  • Time and space to meditate
  • Lower-stakes work
  • Relaxed deadlines
  • Training cycle / learn new skill / shadow someone
  • More support or a second set of eyes before something “goes live”
  • An open invitation to talk about it more / again / often
  • Clear instructions on how to ask for specific things they might need in the future

 

 

Andy: Lastly, when you’re a manager, it’s very easy to obsess over whether you’re doing enough for your team. But what kind of self-care are you doing? Airplane oxygen mask protocol applies here: You cannot help anyone if you’re also suffocating. So have a 1-on-1 with yourself. Ask you how it’s going and what you need. Make a list of 10 things that you can do to take care of yourself and then do at least one of them. Right away.

Good Boss Achievement Stickers: Being There Edition